Support for couples, when the relationship is tense, is usually
in the form of marriage counseling. We have chosen to call
what we offer Relationship Coaching, as our experience is that
many of the couples seeking our help are most benefited by developing their skills, not by just dwelling on their problems
together with their counselor.
At PsykosyntesForum you will be coached with instructions and
experientially focused practical exercises to develop your skills
in relating to each other.
In marriage counseling the format usually is that one comes as a couple all the time.
In PsykosyntesForum's Relationship Coaching you can switch between Relationship
Coaching and individual coaching as needed. There may in Relationship Coaching
emerge things that one of the partners may be able to work better with alone with
the coach. It may be strictly personal things, experiences from one's childhood and
adolescence, that may need to be worked on.
Periods of individual coaching are naturally held on under the agreement that one
during this period refrains from talking about one's partner, that the focus is on
oneself during these sessions.
Relationship skills can be about many different things.
Training for communicating in a straightforward and clear way and with "I-statements" is in most
cases included in the Relationship Coaching.
Our communication training is based on our concept Basic Communication (read more about this by clicking
on the link).
The word "communication" is in reality misleading - communication is not an object,
a noun - it is a verb: "to communicate".
The same thing applies for the word "relation" - it is not an object, that you can create and then just posses. The only thing that exists is the verb "to relate".
Communicating and relating is something we do, activities.
And strictly speaking these two words are synonyms - we cannot relate without communicating:
- A friendly communication leads to a friendly relationship.
- A hostile communication leads to a hostile relationship.
- A sensual and sexual communication leads to a sensual and sexual relationship.
- A formal communication leads to a formal relationship.
- A factual and business-like communication leads to a business-like relationship.
- No communication leads over time to that the relationship dies...
So when we experience a "relationship problem" this is in 99% of the cases caused by our lack of ability to communicate in a way that creates trust, understanding and closeness.
One has once upon a time chosen to establish a relation to a
partner because it met a number of needs one had. These may
although have been subconscious, and there is also a difference
between what one thinks one wants and what one really needs.
To become conscious about one's own and one's partner's needs
and to respect them and be able to communicate them are
important skills in a relationship.
In the Relationship Coaching at PsykosyntesForum you will
therefore be instructed in negotiation techniques, according to
our concept Basic Negotiation.
99 % of all conflicts are usually caused by the lack of good
communication and by poor abilities to negotiate, resulting
in misunderstandings. We all too often act as if we are
"mind readers", and we all too often assume our partner should be one ...
Relationship Coaching includes training in skills for preventing
conflicts, and for being able to resolving them when they
Most people leading any kind of operation, like a company, an
office, an organization, know that regular operations development
is necessary in order to prevent stagnation of the work, in order
to prevent unnecessary conflicts, and in order to ensure a good
working environment where co-workers can get on well and thrive.
Even initially smoothly working operations need regular revisions and re-organizations,
rules and routines need to be reviewed and revised if necessary. Employees need
clear and constructive feed-back, both positive and negative. All involved need to be
able to feel that they contribute, and that they get credit for it, and their basic needs
have to be met, both the economic, the physical, the mental and the emotional needs.
All this applies to large as well as for small organizations, and applies also for the
smallest ones: the partner relationship and the family. Many couples seem although
not be aware of this, and also if one in the couple does not realize this, problems
usually arise after a couple of years.
PsykosyntesForum's Relationship Coaching offers tools for the "Preventive Main-
tenance" and the regular "Operations Development" all relationships need, in order
for all involved to get on well and to thrive.
Developing skills through learning and practicing
Relationship Coaching is based on a combination of teaching and practicing, and many of the tools that are taught are given as "home assignments" to use for training back in one's daily life.
Many of these home assignments, that over the years have been used in PsykosyntesForum's Relationship Coaching, have been gathered in the e-course Reprogram Your Relation, which is made available from the start of the coaching.
This e-course is also possible to buy separately, for training by yourself :
REPROGRAM YOUR RELATION Develop and empower your relation through
re-programming of subconscious behavior patterns.
This e-course is designed for everyone wanting to develop one's relation to one's partner :
Where the relationship is deteriorating, __the course may save it from collapsing completely.
Where the relationship is OK, __the course can develop and empower it further.
Where the relationship is good, __the course can give you tools for make it even deeper.
I and my partner bought the course "Reprogram Your Relation". A fantastically good course that has helped us a lot in our ability to communicate. It is matter-of-fact and offers ineresting background material that makes it easy to understand why one shall change the way one talk to each other.
If the relationship is very poor and the mutual trust has bottomed-out there is probably a need for an outside person to help coach one through the exercises. There are a number of "sensitive" issues that are covered.
The course as a self-study material will work well for couples that have ended up in conflict, but where the foundation for the relationship is still OK.
The different sections in the e-course can be bought separately :
The Relationship Coaching tools, that you get access to via Relationship Coaching here at our office, or via buying the complete e-course above, you can also buy and
download one at a time.
These tools are described briefly below on this page, where you can link to their
product description pages to read more about them.
This two-page document contains an exercise that will help you see how likenesses and differences affect your relationship.
If each one of you first reflect and write down your partner's positive and negative traits and qualities, and if you then are led, in a structured way, in a discussion about these, you will learn new things both about yourselves and about each other.
Having a good relationship with your local bank depends on how you handle your bank account: if you over time withdraw more funds than adds up from your deposits, your bank will first complain, and if you do not listen to this, the bank may cancel your account, ending your "relationship".
A relation to a person works the same way. Your partner / your friend / your child has a Love Account, into which you make "deposits", from which you do "withdrawals".
Download a paper with an exercise that both of you should do, exploring both of your "Love Accounts".
In certain situations, we may
become blocked, we "have our back to the wall" - dumbfounded,
or getting angry or depressed, unable to handle the situation in a good way.
In an inner state like this, one usually re-acts, instead of
reflecting and then acting. The reaction is mostly automatic,
which reduces one's freedom of action to one option:
one's conditioned reaction pattern.
Learn how to take and how to give criticism
in a constructive way.
We often find it difficult to give negative feed-back. This makes us wait in giving it, meanwhile accumulating a growing irritation inside. Finally we
can not contain this any longer, and we express our criticism
in an aggressive, agitated and/or unbalanced way.
Criticism of this kind can usually get anybody to become
defensive, or to feel offended. In many cases, one becomes emotionally blocked, reacting automatically, by becoming struck
dumb and looking guilty, or by immediately counterattacking
and thereby creating a conflict.
Develop your ability to be aware of your thought patterns and change them so that they empower you.
Our thoughts affect our inner state. By making yourself aware
of your thought patterns, you
can change them. This can be
especially valuable, when it
comes to thoughts around
problems you have had during a
long period of time,
and that may have burdened you and
cost you a lot of time
For you, who regard your relationship to be OK, but maybe want to develop it further, test the visualization exercise The Author here below. This exercise will help you to explore and to develop your relationship, by training your empathy skills and your creative fantasy.
Each time you do this exercise, your knowledge about your partner will increase.
The visualization is offered in four different versions, depending on whether you, who are doing the exercise, are a man or a woman, and depending of the gender of your partner. Mp3, 11 min, 15 Mb.
You can listen to the first of these for free: sign up for newsletters before buying.
The streamed version has
although somewhat lower audial quality.